A Little While

I Peter 5:10
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and stedfast.  To Him be the power for ever and ever.

How much is a little while?  Does that mean our possible 80 years on earth? Is it different for each of us?  Can we do anything to get out of the trial we are in?  Would we get out of the trial if we could even if it meant missing out on a blessing or our character changed?  How comforting is the word grace or restore and the fact He has the power to do anything.  Bottom line, "He is God, I am not."

I find this verse very comforting.  It has resounded with me many times in my life.  I am not sure if this isn't the longest and most life-changing trial I have been through or am going through.  This trial entails the physical, emotional, relational, financial, and spiritual suffering - all of which has one goal according to scripture.  The pruning process is very painful.  I feel like all my branches have been trimmed back to where there is nothing to see but the tree.  Now my prayers have focused on what God may have for service in the future because this isn't all for nothing.

Sometimes I feel like my personality depends on a pill.  It is so difficult to have an illness that required medication for me to feel normal.  My counselor challenged me to differentiate between mental illness or diabetes, etc.  Other diseases, illnesses require medication for someone to feel normal.  Why do I even question that.  Now that the medication has changed the chemicals that were not being produced properly, my personality seems to be back - at least the personality that I prefer.  Will my honesty and vulnerability help someone else?  Is it only to change me?  Am I able to glorify God through this?  Does it depend on my reaction?  Do I have control over my actions?  Only He can make me strong, firm and steadfast.  It doesn't come as a result of anything I do, it is who I am in Jesus Christ.  I am His beloved.  He loves me lavishly.  He loved me before I even was known by Him.

A lot of questions and the perfect answer - "He is God, I am not."