A Little While

I Peter 5:10
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and stedfast.  To Him be the power for ever and ever.

How much is a little while?  Does that mean our possible 80 years on earth? Is it different for each of us?  Can we do anything to get out of the trial we are in?  Would we get out of the trial if we could even if it meant missing out on a blessing or our character changed?  How comforting is the word grace or restore and the fact He has the power to do anything.  Bottom line, "He is God, I am not."

I find this verse very comforting.  It has resounded with me many times in my life.  I am not sure if this isn't the longest and most life-changing trial I have been through or am going through.  This trial entails the physical, emotional, relational, financial, and spiritual suffering - all of which has one goal according to scripture.  The pruning process is very painful.  I feel like all my branches have been trimmed back to where there is nothing to see but the tree.  Now my prayers have focused on what God may have for service in the future because this isn't all for nothing.

Sometimes I feel like my personality depends on a pill.  It is so difficult to have an illness that required medication for me to feel normal.  My counselor challenged me to differentiate between mental illness or diabetes, etc.  Other diseases, illnesses require medication for someone to feel normal.  Why do I even question that.  Now that the medication has changed the chemicals that were not being produced properly, my personality seems to be back - at least the personality that I prefer.  Will my honesty and vulnerability help someone else?  Is it only to change me?  Am I able to glorify God through this?  Does it depend on my reaction?  Do I have control over my actions?  Only He can make me strong, firm and steadfast.  It doesn't come as a result of anything I do, it is who I am in Jesus Christ.  I am His beloved.  He loves me lavishly.  He loved me before I even was known by Him.

A lot of questions and the perfect answer - "He is God, I am not."

Called According to His Purpose

"...And we know that in all things God works for the good..."
Have you ever had doubts about what His Word says?  Well, I have recently, but then, the crashing waves of God's prospective and protection overwhelmed my soul.  These last few weeks have been so dark it looked to me like that very last flicker of light before it is snuffed out and all you see is the smoke from what had been bright and beautiful.  I can't describe what it is like to even despair of living.  I'm not talking being down or having a bad couple of days - I am talking darkness of the soul.
"...of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose..."
There may be those who think this mental illness stuff is "all in your head", but that is quite literal.  Our brains are an unbelievable organ, just like the heart, kidneys, liver, thyroid, etc., and when the chemicals aren't working in the brain, it is a matter of the problem is in your head.  My new doc, Dr. Dubey, added a medication for bipolar and it is working!  It is only a temporary fix at the moment until the other medications kick in.  The only way to describe what I am feeling is on a high.  Everything looks so different, really like night and day.  I don't know what it will be like when I am weaned off of it, but I have to say I haven't felt as good as this for years!  I am going to enjoy this possible false reality while I can.  It boggles my mind that many of you are blessed to enjoy this reality all the time.  Please be grateful for it because to be mentally ill can rob you of "feeling" the blessings we have.  I do love my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and I have been called according to His purpose.  That means God is not finished with me yet, and as my friend and Pastor has encouraged me to remember, "Our greatest days are just ahead".  In this state of mind, I fully believe that.  It will be an adventure to see how this fleshes out in the days ahead.  Watch out!!!!