My journey just took three steps back. The battle seems overwhelming today. Lots of tears and questions. I read so many posts on facebook from those who seem on top of everything spiritually. Their faith increases with trials while mine is weaker. Glowing testimonies and verses and beautiful stories of how they face life and even death. Here I am with tears flowing wanting "to be" like Christ in my reactions, in my trust, in my life.
Right now the layers of challenges are one big lump. I am not navigating well. I know my compass needs to face true north, but the point is going around in circles. My desire is to honor God and come out of this as a testimony. Today I feel like a blight to His name. "Oh, to have wings that I could fly away...."
Dear Gloria,
ReplyDeleteMy heart is breaking for you right now, and I just want to be as honest as I can. Please don't look at Facebook and think that all these glowing stories are always the full story.
I have a friend who also struggles with deep depression and also with going to church where all she sees are people with smiling faces, and whose lives are "all together" or so it seems.
I’ve encouraged her to stay off Facebook because it will only cause her more depression if she hears all about how wonderful everyone’s husbands, children, grandchildren, etc. are, and all about everyone’s vacation plans and vacation photos, their wonderful dinner out with friends or spouse, or their beautifully decorated homes and yards, and on and on.
I’ve encouraged her, when she goes to church, to look at the people there and just know that there are many people going through many painful issues, but would rather pretend that life is simply blissful, instead of being honest with each other.
I no longer “scroll” through Facebook because I cannot keep “knowing” everything about everyone’s life, and have all those conversations in my mind. If I want to hear God’s voice teaching me, disciplining me, rebuking me and molding me, I need to shut out all the voices which are filling up my mind.
I cannot share my personal life there (meaning, telling of all I’m doing with my time, and all that’s going on in my life), because I know that only causes others to spend more time on Facebook, “liking and commenting” about all the good stuff and I do not want to be a stumbling block to anyone by doing so.
I do, however, share the raw truth of the Gospel, which isn’t easy, isn’t sugary sweet, and isn’t liked by many. I’ve learned though, that when everyone is enamored by my statuses, something is wrong with me, because Jesus tells me I won’t be one of the in-crowd; I won’t be popular, and I will be despised or even hated if I am truly following Him.
He also tells me I must deny myself if I am following Him, so that is another reason I cannot be putting my “self” all over Facebook in a way that draws unnecessary time and attention to Shirley instead of to Jesus Christ.
I’m sorry this is so long, but I just want you to know what you see on the surface is not the whole story. I posted in my blog recently that out of all the married couples I’ve known for the 35 years I’ve been in church as an adult (and the number is huge), I only know of less than 5 who actually talk together at home about the Word and what God is teaching them, yet, when we listen to Christian women, we hear “glowing” testimonies.
I’ve had many young women talk to me about this very issue in their marriages, but it is something we don’t address in the church, because how do we do that when it’s so personal? I am not writing that to insinuate this is a problem in your life; I’m just using it as an example of the facades many women put on, which then causes other women to feel as though they are much less in their walk with Christ … and to have that “if only I had their life” feeling.
I honestly believe Facebook has been a source of destruction to many in the church as Christians have begun using it to share so much of their personal lives, instead of using it to further the kingdom of God by sharing the Gospel. To those whose lives are not so glamorous or exciting, it can cause so much more pain, and it goes completely against what Jesus tells us our lives will be like when we follow Him.
Please know I care and I pray that you will be able to tune out the many other voices and be able to concentrate on Him so you can hear Him telling you what He wants you to know. I’ve been a Martha who was popular and where I’ve done it all, and now I’ve become a Mary, where I can’t do what everyone else is doing, nor do I want to. I just want to hear Him speak to me, and then share it in hopes it will help someone else. Be encouraged, friend. And thank you for your honesty. With much love,
Shirley Miller